I CAN MOONWALK!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
