I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize