Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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