Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
