I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
