hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
