please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
