the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
