I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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