Quick, to the slutcave!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
