drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize