In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
