the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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