I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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