I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
