I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Randomize