i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
