I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
