Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Panties = found
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize