remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
