I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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