You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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