Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I touched a dick in church today
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
