the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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