So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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