my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
