I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
