At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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