She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize