Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I die, sorry about rent.
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