i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
