My room smells like vodka and shame
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
