I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
