I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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