nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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