i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
