Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
