He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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