jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
