i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
