we're chasing vodka with high fives
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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