i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
