Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
