stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
