atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
