I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
