we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
