So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
