It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
