Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
