I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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