Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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