i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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