he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
