I got chris browned last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
