just tell him i said nine months
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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