Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
