Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
