I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize