I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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