So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
