Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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