Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish i was in the wii world.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize