So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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