I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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