Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
