you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
