remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
