i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
