Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
