I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
