i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
