If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
