She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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