Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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