he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
