I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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