i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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