Moan for me like Helen Keller
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize