I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
