found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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