i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
