We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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