she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
