this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
