Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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