y did u give ur computer a hand job?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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