forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
