Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
