not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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