i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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