Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
