She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
